there are always times like this; times when you sit down and think.
you immerse yourself in deep thoughts, or rather the thinkings make you tick.

i was driving home today when i saw something lying just 2m away from me.
it was a body of a dead cat, half-severed, with its eyes staring up into the sky.
it made me wonder.
do wild cats like this deserve the state they're in?
likewise, do humans deserve to be put on earth to be tortured and tormented emotionally and physically?
what are we supposed to be doing on earth?
be born, grow up, give birth and the die?

we grow up, we have a happy family, we have great friends and maybe find ourselves a great partner.
great.
should i use this word?
sometimes i think it's really quite superficial if you see it this way.
everyone's great to every other person.
but deep down, a human is only just an evolution of an animal, and animals fend for themselves only.
this is the trick of survival.
maybe only that they have lesser problems to handle because they're not as complicated as humans.

At the end of the day it's just you for yourself, whether you realise it or not.
one may have many friends, a loving partner and a wholesome family but at the end of the day when you have problems, you're just dealing with it yourself.
i say this with no angst or disappointment lest you guys read me wrongly, but because i've already resigned to fate.
everybody has their set of problems and everybody has to grow up through this way.
nobody has 24 hours a day to accompany you to grow up because they need to grow up themselves.
however much they are/were for you, they can never fully understand whatever you're dealing with nor do they have the time to understand it.
when you think about life, you think that it's wonderful because you have so many things in life to look forward to.
but when one falls, others fall together with it too.
when you're troubled, you think, at least you have my family with you.
but not exactly, they may not be there or they just do not understand what you're going through.
then you think, at least you have you bf/gf with you but think again. do they understand you inside out? do they know everything that's in your tiny mind? will there be a forever between the two of you?
then you move on to your friends. you may have tonnes of friends but at the end of the day would they be there 24/7 or know you a hundred percent? would they rather fend for themselves or would they waste the time/effort to worry bout you?
well, nvm then you think, for at least you have your other materialisticstuff.
not exactly too.
houses rot, wallets mould, cars break down, handphones get no service, computers get viruses and the list goes on.
nothing is certain and everything is ever-changing.
nothing lasts forever.
maybe this is the way of life.
and this is why we have to mature from the shithole we're in.
afterall, we're only animals. well, i mean, humans.

it's sad when you have reality checks like this not once, but many times.
there is nothing is be angry about for this is a brutal fact.
well maybe there's a reason to be angry about, to be angry at why you're even born into this world.
to be frustrated that you reach this stage of enlightenment at such an early age.
maybe that's why some people couldn't take it and thus chose to end their lives.
but then you think again.
how bout those people who have to deal with worse situations than you have to.

if you ask me what i really want for my 21st birthday, i'll tell you that i wanna get away from this place and go somewhere far far away.
away from all these shit i have to deal with, just somewhere where i'm alone and i know nobody else.
maybe in a third world country to remind myself of how fortunate i actually am.
God, talk to me again because i need you.
guide me through please?